initiation

the first time that i remember taking of sip of alcohol was my sophomore year of high school. the funny thing is that, growing up in the very northern tip of one of the northern most states in the country, my parents would let me have the occasional sip of their beer or glass of wine. and i know that there was a party in 8th grade where my friends' parents, the owners of the bar where, later on in my high school career, i would have countless, faceless days and nights of endless binges and blackouts and hungover mornings. the most humorous part now is, maybe, how drunk ten 14-year-olds can get off of one bottle of flavored vodka.

however, despite the smattering of questionable socially acceptable alcohol-related firsts, the moment i think of as my first time occurred in the parking lot of a local grocery store, huddled around a bottle of jaegermeister. the air was cool, and my recently high-school-graduated boyfriend lent me his olive green army/navy surplus jacket. it smelled faintly of booze and cigarettes, and had the dampness of a heavy wet towel that had been sitting in the woods too long.

that night, i know more people were in attendance, but in my memories of it now, my boyfriend's best friend is the only other person i remember being there, as he was the one who handed me the dark brown bottle with the bright orange label.

"Have you ever tried jaeger?" dave asked me. i shook my head and smiled, the shy smile of a 15 year old who doens't get out much. the older boys leered and grinned at one another, and as dave handed me the bottle, i felt my palms get sweaty. the stories i heart, the quiet giggles in homeroom on monday morning that i had smiled at quietly but never really got to be party of - it was finally my time. this was my first story. my initiation.