Monday, August 9, 2010


it's the end of the summer. and i haven't posted since june. essentially, this matters to no one but myself, as all my crazy adventures have mostly been lived and, as we all know, memories don't live like people do.

as a brief recap, i suppose, i made some of the most amaaaazing friends. ever. again. i've learned who i can trust. blah blah blah. working at camp has been a really great, humbling experience. kids with special needs will hold a special place in my heart forevaaaa...maybe i'll want to work with them sometime in the future? there were a special few that really made an impact on my life...

that being said, one of the most memorable parts of my summer was my week off after 5 weeks of Handicap camp.

one of the first weeks of camp, maybe after H2 or H3, one of the counselors got fired because he just wasn't...right for the job? i guess that's what they told him. sadly, for so many of us at camp, he was an amaaazing person and friend, so much fun, and i was finally just getting to know him during his last week as a counselor. O was his name, and he is from egypt but goes to school at a huuuuge important school in east texas.

well, when he got fired he decided to go back and live at his apartment for the rest of the summer, rather than go immediately back to egypt. so, during our week off my friend E and i went to east texas to visit our friend. we partied every night, slept all day, and ate free birds like it was going out of style (hint: it's not. midwest, you do not know what you are missing out on. this food is bombbb.)

well, my friend E and i had an interesting relationship this summer..? he was the wing leader of my brother unit, so my...wing leader brother i guess, since i was the wing leader of my...wing. right. so, we hung out a lot, on all our nights off and on the weekend. our friendship took a turn...if you get what i'm saying. if not, that's fine too. but people quickly caught on to the idea that we were really close, and had just about the weirdest friendship they had ever witnessed. "no one understandsss usss" was uttered more than once a day when people made comments about our interactions, and lack of interactions during camp hours. ha. so anyway.

the thing about E is that he has a gf back home, that i did not initially know about. well, it maybe wouldn't have made that much of a difference, as we were really only going to be spending this summer together and quite possibly never see each other again. ouch. except, that when his gf found out he had decided to spend his week off with two of his faaaavorite people in the world and not her, pleased she was not. possibly also because less than a week earlier he had informed her of the less-than-socially-acceptable relationship we were engaged in.

so, gf came to O's apartment one afternoon, giving her unfaithful bf an ultimatum: come with me and live, stay with them and die. or something. he made it sound that dramatic. so he left. O and i were sad, but we drank away our sorrows...and such and the next day E came back, feeling sorry for what he had done and acting like such a pussalia i almost couldn't look him in the eyes.

needless to say, E and i's relationship hasn't been the same since then, and as much as i care about him and as important of a person he was in my life for 8 or so weeks...8 or so weeks is only 8 or so weeks of my life. the struggle that i am faced with now is whether or not such a friendship is worth the one-sided effort to keep up, or if giving up and letting go is the healthiest and smartest thing to do. for once, i would like the decision i make when i follow my heart to be the smart decision.

maybe happiness is too much to ask for.

'teach people to be different. that's all!' i shouted after her as the taxi moved off. that is joy. happiness would be feeling satisfied with everything she already had - a lover, a son, a job. and Athena, like me, wasn't born for that kind of life." - paulo coelho, the witch of portabello