Monday, May 30, 2011


the one and only night i've let someone sleep in my bed since i started this new life of mine, i think that i had my first lucid dream. and by first, i really just mean first that i remember because i know the feeling was all too familiar........

i was sleeping on the edge of my bed and i kept rolling over. even though i didn't feel like i was falling, i would start awake to the feeling of him grabbing me, so as not to fall out of my bed. every time i would over at him, he would be wide awake with a crazy/terrified look in his eyes at the thought of me falling.

this happened maybe three times and on the last time i didn't look at him, just asked him why he kept waking me up. he said to me, "i just want to either of to fall hard and get hurt." that's when i knew it was a dream and i slept soundly the rest of the night.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

ladies and gentlemen

‎"If more females would sit down & be ladies, more males would stand up & be gentleman."


go after her. fuck, dont sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because thats what you should do if you love someone, dont wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, dont let people happen to you, dont let me happen to you, or her, shes not a fucking television show or tornado. there are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at 4 in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and i always thought id be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on 4 days notice because you cant just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyones idea of love but it is the way i can recognize it because that is what i do. go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.