I was talking to Laurie after I accidentally observed her Bikram class on Saturday afternoon (more about that in my observation journal entry) and I realized that I've still only been in Austin for a little less than 2 months! It feels like a lot longer, and at the same time, hardly any time at all. Anyway, with this realization came an afternoon of over-thinking my entire existence, which is usually what happens when I get to thinking.
A girl from work hosts parties at her apartment about once or twice a month, and she has always been nice enough to invite me, although I've always been working or had yoga so I haven't been able to attend. However, I finally had a night off so I was considering going. I even have a costume that I was intending to wear on the actual night of Halloween festivities. However, the closer it got to the time for me to leave, the less and less excited I was about going. What is this feeling? It's familiar because it happens to me way too often in new situations. My gut instinct. I wasn't ready...to make new friends?
Honestly, moving and transitioning is like a break-up. At least for me. I need time to heal and adjust from all of the relationships with friends that have so instantly changed since we no longer get to see each other every day. It's not that I haven't gone through this process...many times...before, but I've never been able to put my finger on what it is that was so aversive in me. I just need time. And people may say to me that I'll never make friends if I don't go to parties or whatever it is that most people do to make friends, but those people don't know me very well. And, to my relief, I talked to one of my best friends about it this afternoon, via facebook messaging of course, and she completely understood what I was saying. She's not the same way at all, she's super outgoing which is how we became friends, and eventually roommates, in the first place. But that's why we're such good friends; that is why our friendship has stood the test of time and distance that I eventually force all of my friendships to suffer through.
Anyway, the point of all of this is that I faced the realization I had come to and accepted it. Call me a lame ass for staying home on the Saturday night of Halloween, but I don't care. I feel just a little more fulfilled having accepted this truth about myself, and knowing that friendships will come with time, as they always have and they will always continue to. So: acceptance. An excellent theme for a yoga class, as it can be linked with so many different yamas and niyamas....koshes....etc. The importance of accepting where you are in your practice, and of course coming back to the all important message of being present where you are, accepting it, and letting your practice become whatever it is you need it to be for that day.