state of this union

ever get into one of those moods where you're like, why is the world just sooooooo......like this? like, it's no matter how hopeful i get about the future, it all just implodes; to use pres. obama's poorly delivered analogy - something about airplanes and engines and crashing back down to earth.

i felt good watching the state of the union address. certainly, i am not naive enough to think that everything the president said is going to magically change our country for the better, but i have the spring of youthful hope on my side; god forbid i ever lose that or i'm done. i look at his speech like a pep rally; "look guys, this is what i want to do and i need your help. we're going to have to work together and it's not going to be easy but i believe that we can do it!" and then we all go out into the world to do the things that we are passionate about, to help each other out, to reach our goals and put this country back where it needs to be.

instead, immediately following the president's call to UNITE (god forbid; the union unites??), are skeptical political analysts giving reason after reason about why nothing he said could possibly work. WHY?? why can we not just say, YES it's time to move forward. enough of this bullshit; it's time to get off of our asses and make 2011 this country's bitch lover. we can do it. so why so much resistance?

and i can't even get into how much it frustrates me that i can't express these ideas to my own parents; my own FAMILY. i was raised to believe in one very narrow, single-minded view of the world and everything that exists, both inside of it and out. it's something that i struggle with every day because all the lessons i was taught as a child are so engrained in my head that the line between what i believe and what i think i believe and what i'm not sure if i believe and what i know i don't believe but i can't get out of my head are tangled together in the web that we're apparently calling becoming an adult.

it's gross, and all i can say is i hope i never grow up. not that i never grow up. that i never grow old. that i never lose the wonder and positivity of a child, that i can take into my adult life. the positivity and hopefulness that so many adults leave behind when the struggles of "real life" bring them down and they forget to get back up.

i don't want to grow up. this is MY world, MY union.. MY never never land. x