Assisting VIII w/ Stephanie @ YMCA NW and 3rd Chakra Clearing

the title is a little misleading.....i did my third chakra clearing exercise, but i did the second chakra again because i just felt like i wanted to. it felt a lot better this time; i wasn't nearly as closed off to freeing myself of all of this....stuff...that's weighing me down. a quote that's been popping up in my life frequently as of late: "if you want to fly, you've got to get rid of that shit that's weighing you down." amen.

while i was working through the guided meditation, a friend of mine kept coming to mind and all i could think about was how much she maybe needed this, and how much i wanted to share it with her. she's going through a really tough time right now and i don't get to see her as often as i would like. i kind of feel like a bad friend for leaving her behind and moving forward in my life. i don't regret it, but i do feel guilty about it sometimes. so i try to get back to see her whenever i can, and i don't feel like there's been anything i can do personally that has gotten through to her. maybe wendy can do it? anyway, the point is to pay it forward so that's the obvious solution to me.

on a more exciting note, i finished my last class assist yesterday and i am what i can only assume is days away from officially receiving my teaching certificate! i. am. excited. i remember talking to someone after i had finished the initial training portion of the actual training, and them telling me it seems like it went by so quick; like it wasn't really that hard. didn't i think it was going to be more difficult? take more time? i wanted to scream and cry and laugh and dance around the room because i had no idea how to respond to that. it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life thus far, and yeah it only took 4 months and some intensive training but NOT REALLY AT ALL THAT. everything else. it is something, i am beginning to understand, only those who have been through it truly understand. and maybe not even some of them. it was truly an experience that has changed me for the better, as all good experiences are intended to, i believe, and there is no way to adequately explain that in words. i just have to go on teaching and passing it on and around and forward and hopefully that will explain adequately what words cannot.

as far as the actual assisting, i was more comfortable in this class than i have ever been assisting so far. i'm sure that just comes with time, but also because i've now taught this class twice and am gearing up to take over the class for stephanie next week when she moves on to a new job and a new schedule that no longer allows for her to teach the class. she is someone that i will hold dear in my heart foreverrrr for thinking enough of me to recommend me this job, and kick starting my teacher life. i can only hope that the universe has something greater in store for her; she is a truly lovely person.

and also, on a somewhat related note, i hope that i can still assist classes from time to time because i kind of enjoy it! and it teaches me something new every time i step in to someone else's class.

Second Public Class & Assisting VII w/ Gioconda @ Dharma Yoga

i love assisting Gioconda's classes at Dharma because i just love the energy of her classes anyway, i love practicing at them myself, but there's a different kind of learning that occurs when assisting classes. i felt like i learned a lot, and the more people feel comfortable asking me questions the more questions i feel like i have! i wrote down a quote kind of early on in training with sam rice that said something about "be confident in what you know, but open to other possibilities." know that you know what you know, but also know that you don't know everything, in other, more complicated words. i don't have a problem asking a question because if i don't know the answer, i want to know it! i'm so lucky to have such a great community of teachers around me to help each other grow and learn.

i'm happy that the class is feeling comfortable enough with me being there from time to time to ask me questions, but i'm still in a growth period of confidence myself in that i don't feel like i have the right answer always, so i give them the one that i have that comes naturally to me, and that is probably just a fine answer, and then worry about it the entire ride home that i shouldn't have said that to them, that i should have said this other thing instead. maybe that was decrease with time. maybe not......

teaching my second public class was great because gioconda was there to give me some really helpful feedback! i'm so glad she enjoyed the class and thinks that i'm actually cut out to be a teacher! it's a relief. validation that i'm not crazy for wanting to do this makes me feel like i'm making good decisions, and i can continue on my path of learning and learning and growing and yoga and yoga and yoga. what an exciting time ahead!

Teaching my first public class & Assisting VI w/ Stevie @ Yoga Center Fredericksburg

So I finally did it - I taught my first public class! I couldn't sleep the night before, I stressed about it and went over my sequence all weekend and.....it went great. I couldn't have been happier. I was already a little familiar with my class as I've assisted Stephanie's class before, so that helped. But it is the most awesome feeling to be finished with a class, when everyone is kind of working hard and concentrating and focusing and maybe not a lot of smiling so it's hard to tell if they're enjoying themselves....and then at the end people thank you and tell you they liked your sequence or they feel great or whatever it is. awesome. it's awesome. it went really.

last week i went to visit some friends and my family back in fbg, and i finally made it to stevie's class! she's only teaching one class a week right now, and it's on wednesday mornings. i usually just have a hard time making it down there right in the middle of the week like that, but it worked out perfectly! stevie is the first teacher i've ever had who made yoga mean something to me. not every teacher works for everybody, and teachers speak to students differently to bring them to yoga, but stevie's teaching method and flow was definitely my door in and for that i will be forever grateful. she's also become a friend and kind of yoga mentor for me as i, too, have begun the yoga teaching journey. anyway, so i got to assist some in her class as well, which was extra cool because my mom was there! and she hasn't been able to attend any of my classes yet, and the ladies who i started out with wayyyyy back a whole year and a half ago. so it was a cool experience to get to have so close to the end of my training hours!

End of the World 2012

so it's taken me the whole first week of the new year to really set some intentions for myself in the next 365 days. i think starting with the lululemon team to set goals is really what helped me get my gears in motion, so they say (do they say that?). it made clearer what it is i truly desire, and it's time to start putting those things on the top of my list - the list of priorities.

what inspired this post, i suppose is a decision i have to make on this lovely saturday morning. i made a commitment a few weeks back to start doing some volunteer work at a local animal shelter and this morning is the orientation for new volunteers. however, gioconda is also teaching a yoga class at the same time........decisions? the thing is, i feel like the choice to go to the yoga class is the selfish choice here, but it doesn't matter. if yoga is what i want to do, then i have to do it; every opportunity that arises is a chance for me further my pursuits. even if i'm not 100% clear on every bit and piece that goes along with that, or is to potentially follow, what i have to follow is my heart. what i know that i want. priorities. and my priority is yoga.

i used to watch a lot of "documentaries" on mtv about famous musicians and how they got to where they were going and what they really all had in common was one thing: sacrifice. you have to give up some things to make time for what it is you're really committed to doing. i want to volunteer at the animal shelter but i REALLY want to teach yoga. i want yoga to be a part of my every day life. i want to do so much all the time; i can't save the puppies now, but i can help later. what i need to focus on now is the goal ahead of me.

excitingly, there is a program that started up in canada and the pacific northwest called street yoga. it's a movement bringing yoga to inner city teens, and kids in shelters and foster homes like the one that i used to work at! it just seems so perfect and too good to be true.....which may be part of the problem. all of their trainings are held up north, and they have yet to move down south anywhere near texas as of yet. however, i got in contact with the communications manager over there, and not only is she excited to talk to me/work with me more on finding ways to bring street yoga to austin, but she's a UT Longhorn! i feel like the universe is completely on my side on this one, so i feel the courage and motivation to move forward in these endeavors.

look out 2012, your ass is mine.

Second Chakra Guided Meditation

although i feel like i could've used another go around of the first chakra guided meditation, i couldn't convince myself to do it unless i moved on to the second chakra. turns out that was even more challenging than the first. i did this one sitting up this time, and the house was a lot quieter so it was easier for me to focus.

so basically, i noticed a couple of things about the energy clearing in the second chakra - i need it. bad. but as i listened to wendy's voice talk me through breathing out all these negative thoughts and energies surrounding what seems to me at this point in my life, the most important aspects of my being, i got stuck. real stuck. i would hear her say something that i related to and instead of even attempting to let it go, i would get angry. i'd get that stirring feeling deep in my belly like something is terribly wrong. i would think about all of the things in my life she could possibly be referring to and i would completely detach from what i was trying to do.

i read the intro to her book and i remember the part where she mentions that it's going to get harder before it gets easier. it might be uncomfortable or even painful, but that's just part of the process. i feel like this challenge to try out three of the energy clearing guided meditations is excellent in that it's bringing me to face a lot of things that i ignore in my life.

the problem, or i guess i wouldn't call it a problem, but the greatest challenge for me is moving forward from those places of vulnerability. i have to sit with my eyes closed and meditate for like 10 minutes after the recordings just to bring myself back to a place of functioning. it brings out so many emotions that feel like they're just a big bowl of swirling energy, and i have to reign them back in before i can move forward with my day.

so, moral of the story - mixed feelings again about the chakra work. i don't know whether to move on to the third reading, or just keep working on numbers 1 & 2 for now. i guess i'll have to take some time to think about it.

Assisting V w/ Stephanie & Root Chakra Guided Meditation

Assisted Stephanie at the YMCA again last Monday. It's awesome to see how much she loves her students and how much they love her and her class. Can't wait to teach! I'll hopefully be teaching a few of her classes when she's out of town in the coming weeks, but it depends on whether or not my paperwork has gone through the corporate office yet; apparently the holidays are slowing down the processing. Ahhhh.....corporate paperwork. Anywho.....

I'm apprehensive about guided meditations. I've fallen asleep in just about every guided meditation I've done, and I have a veryyyy short attention span. However, as I was reading through Wendy de Rosa's book I realized that I can obviously use some chakra clearing and energy healing so I'm open to give it a go. I started with the Root chakra bc Wendy and I apparently have the same belief that starting from the ground up is a good way to begin and find balance. It's also a place that I very obviously (at least to myself) have blockage so..... I'm not sure what I was expecting. I have a difficult time w meditation and focus so it's a good practice for me, but I think I'm going to try the same one again and see if it makes a difference the second time. I was also lying down during the first one, so maybe I will try sitting the second go around.

Assisting IV w/ Stephanie @ YMCA NW

Finally made it up to the YMCA that i am now a substitute teacher at (!!!!) to assist Stephanie in her all levels yoga class. She's the reason that I got my first yoga job (!!!!!!!) and I owe her big time, I feel like. I don't know how I will ever repay, but the universe does it's doing and everything shall be as it shall be... =)) I'm so grateful for the opportunity to teach here as well because I feel like it is the perfect starting off point for me, and will help me to become a stronger teacher within my own comfort zone before venturing out into anything bigger and badder (it will happen! i'm so excited!) i've been told by many people that teaching at a community center like this is the best experience because if you can teach this population, you can teach anyone.

i arrived right as they were beginning the class (they don't start late around here, classes only last 45 minutes to an hour - no time to waste!) and sat in the back as stephanie led them through a brief opener of reading/reflection/breathing and then i got to do some minor assists on some of the students. she even asked me to come to the front and demo/teach how to do dancer pose - i was so nervous! i think it went ok though, and a few of the students thanked me for the help at the end of the class. at least i didn't hurt anyone! it was such an exciting experience; next time i'll be ready to teach if she asks me to!

after her class i took the advanced level class with erin. as part of my training, the Y gave me a month free of membership so i can take some of the other yoga classes and get a feel for the way everything works there. i felt confident in my practice as i took the class. for me, the fact that even in an advanced class most of the students would probably be considered beginner/intermediate in a studio is heartening for me because it makes me more confident in my teaching abilities. it scares me to teach classes to students who know more than i do! i know it will happen, but easing my way in to the whole experience is the way that i work best, so i'm happy for the opportunity!

Assisting I w/ Gioconda @ Dharma Yoga (II & III)

I haven't been very good about my journaling lately, but now there's so much to talk about i hardly know where to begin!

I've complete two more of my assisting classes with Gioconda at Dharma Yoga and it's been quite the experience so far. Although the classes are All Levels, the first class was definitely more of a beginner class. More beginners in it in general, and I think there was even one woman who had never taken a yoga class before! It was good experience to see that, just like a good teacher does, Gioconda recognized by the first round of sun salutations that she had a beginner class on her hands and continued with the class as such. i got to do some work with straps and blocks and just being a general assistant, as well as giving a few people pointers, and working with restorative poses. it's so exciting to have people thank me after a class, even when it's not my own class and i don't really feel like i'm doing much of anything. it's such a satisfying and joyful feeling, and is always a reminder that it is definitely what i love and i need to work harder toward my goals.

the second class was definitely more of an intermediate class, so there was inversion and backbending practices, which make me so nervous to assist! people ask me questions like i'm the expert because i am expected to be one now. it's a good practice in being more confident in my abilities. i've had nothing but excellent training and a wonderful, knowledgeable teacher so I know the answers to these questions, I KNOW what i know i just have to be more confident in it. people are counting on me now! it's not just for me anymore. that's what it means to be a teacher.

The Doshas, My 1st Private Client, & Practice Teaching

This may seem like a weird combination of things to put together in an entry, but they're all related and I feel like I can't talk about one of the experiences without the other. It was kind of a big weekend.

I was excited to learn about Ayurveda this weekend, and was somewhat disappointed with the session when it actually came to be. It's probably just my own personal -ness getting in the way, but I have a real issue with labels as they may be. Using only 25 words to describe everything just doesn't sit well with me, and the connections that she was making for a lot of the things just didn't make sense.

I wouldn't describe water as oily unless it is, in fact, oily. Sorry, just not working for me. I understand a lot of the concepts though, like the eating times and sleeping times and things people should and shouldn't avoid. I get it, but I still don't completely buy into it. I was also taken aback when my test read Kapha but she told me she thought I was Pitta. I don't know what to say about it besides that's what the test said. Maybe I took it wrong? Although looking back at it now I was 10 Kapha 7 Pitta 6 Vata so maybe that' s a close enough order that I'm all 3? I'm going to try taking a few more tests and see what the results are. Maybe that will give me some answers.

So that was the first thing this weekend where my self kind of felt called in to question. Who am I? Like, shouldn't I know that answer better than some stranger I just met? Maybe not?

Then we did our private lessons on Saturday and I was really excited with how it went. Ashley felt "light as air" afterwards, she said I was a natural teacher and she enjoyed the session. I was very pleased. I even volunteered to teach during training the next day because I was feeling pretty confident about my abilities.

Then the next day came, I taught, and I completely screwed up my entire mandala (which I've fixed! and will post about later), I talk too quietly, I don't demand the attention of my class....I felt like I did ok until it was time for the constructive criticism portion.

Here's where I have a confession to make: I really don't feel like myself at teacher training. Granted, I am a naturally introverted personality. There's a quote that I like that I can't exactly remember word for word right now, but it speaks about holding your tongue so that when you do speak people take notice because they know what you have to say is important. That's how I feel. I'm not a naturally outgoing person, but it's not because I'm shy. I'm not afraid to speak, I just don't find it necessary in a lot of situations. I find myself reading each situation when I arrive to it, and for some reason when I arrived at teacher training I didn't feel comfortable enough to be myself....whatever that means.

I surround myself with strong personalities often, so it's not that I was intimidated. It's just that I really didn't feel like I had much in common or much to say to almost anyone at training, and I read that immediately. I feel comfortable to do my yoga with them, but I'm not comfortable saying what's on my mind because I don't think it translates to most of them. We're just in very different places in our lives, and probably will continue to be and the couple of times I have spoken to the majority of people in training, I'm often answered with blank stares and not a lot of response otherwise. That's how I felt when we were being given feedback about our teaching. Everyone had a lot to say to everyone else, but when it became my turn, Gioconda was the only one who had anything to say to me.

It's just a strange feeling, because I surround myself with people who are like me, who understand what I'm saying and don't look at me like I'm crazy whenever I open my mouth. So I've opted to stay quieter during this entire training process, but now I fear that I've made myself out to be timid and shy when that's not really the case. I have confidence that I will make a good teacher, but I do not feel 100% confident teaching at my own teacher training.

That being said, I think the feedback was very helpful because as I've been pondering over it and turning it over in my mind the last few days, I came upon a way to frame it that suits me and is positive. I've always liked the quote, yoga is like therapy without having to talk about it. I graduated with a psychology degree, and the way in which people work has always been fascinating to me. I'm all about having close relationships with people; knowing them intimately because superficial relationships just feel like a waste of my time.

Well, when it comes to yoga, maybe what I'm most suited for is private clients. I felt so much more comfortable teaching Ashley by herself than I did teaching to a room full of people. And what I really want to be able to do is make an individualized lesson plan for each person I teach so I can help them the best by catering to exactly what their needs are. So, this isn't to say that I don't want to teach some public classes too, as that's probably the way to get the word out about myself as a teacher, but probably what my focus is meant to be is private clients. I don't have to talk a lot because I don't need to, but I can get to know people better and I enjoy sequencing classes that suit an individual personality, rather than trying to cater to 20 different people all in the same class.

I was excited when I came to this realization. In my mind there's a very big difference between growth and changing who you are, and it feels like a very fine line to me sometimes. I want to become a better version of myself, not become a better teacher for the sake of teaching yoga, but not being an authentic teacher while doing it. Teacher training has been such an emotional roller coaster, and I've learned so much these last couple of months I can hardly even believe where I am in my life right now but I'm so so THANKFUL for it. Must just be that time of year. xx

Chakras Pt. II - Mula Dhara

Gioconda asked me to pick one of the chakras that I talked about in my last entry and further develop a practice for the next few weeks to work with it. I picked my root chakra because even though the chakras aren't meant to be hierarchal, there's something comforting in the way maslow's hierarchy of needs and the chakras coincide in my mind, and since that connection was made i'm choosing not to ignore it but rather embrace it. that being said, i've come to the conclusion that a more balanced root chakra can only help me in my journey, even if it's not completely necessary that i balance this chakra before moving up and onward to the others.

So with that being said, I've come up with a couple of practices to help me balance my mula dhara. the first is that i've committed to the 'root to rise' principle in my asana practice. for the last couple of months the thing i've been focusing in on most is strength work, especially in my legs and back, and although i'm not perfect and i still have a lot of growth in that area to work on, it's also just as important for my practice to really ground down and root through my feet especially, in standing poses. it has to do with strength as well, as a lot of my balance issues in those poses are because my legs and hips aren't strengthened enough to keep me steady. i'm working on all of those things to keep me in balance....so to speak.

the other practice i've committed to that is not necessarily asana related is being more organized in my life. organization does not come naturally to me. my house and my car and my closet look exactly like the inside of my brain; only holds the important stuff, but it's a mess. there's just things flying everywhere and i know that i have what i need because what i need are the only things that i hold on to; it's just a matter of finding out where i put it last. this is a basic functioning necessity to me because i have 2 part time jobs to pay the bills, i want to get this yoga thing going (i'll talk more about that in another post...) and as soon as my yoga training is over, i fully intend to move on to another project to work on as well..... i'm a busy lady and i prefer it that way but in the long run i can only keep these things up in the air as lon as i can keep track of them all.

so, my first step to becoming more organized was purchasing one of those big desk calendars for the month of november so i could look at my entire day/week/month and know what i had in store. i could add things, and scratch things out and make changes as necessary, and where i found room, maybe even make a little room to see friends and have a little fun. (FUN!). So that's where I'm at with that at this point. So far, it's been going well. We'll see where it continues to take me....

Chakras

I've been so excited to learn about the chakras! I'm really disappointed that I'm not going to be there on Saturday to learn more about it, but sacrifices are always being made to live the life we've set up for ourselves....

So, a funny thing happened when I was taking notes about the chakras. As Gioconda was talking about the way they were structured and kind of built upon each other, I wrote at the top of my page *Maslows Hierarchy of Needs* because I'm a psychology nerd....but then it was so interesting that she made a point to tell us that the chakras are NOT a hierarchy! Initially they sound like one to me...you have to have the means of basic functioning (mula dhara) before you can move on to creativity....and before you move on to learning about boundaries.....or so it would seem to me. However, if that's not necessarily the case, it's a little jarring to me because it's a belief as a student of psychology that I've held for some time.

Are you saying I can be creative and intuitive but completely useless when it comes to my basic functioning?! Because that's basically my life. But does that mean I need to work on "fixing" those weaker chakras, or simply work to cultivate the stronger chakras that I've been blessed with naturally?

I immediately connected with Swadhisthana and Anja chakras the most....and probably Sahasrara, I would say. I'm in my own head a lot, and always thinking and day dreaming and not doing things like cleaning my house or always remembering to pay my bills on time.... The descriptive "watery" really describes my personality in a way. Go with the flow, constantly moving, transparent, unpredictable.....I just feel like I have more important things to fill my head space with than the things that most people my age are worrying about. Maybe.

So my initial response to this homework was to do more things to cultivate those chakras....but then what's the point?? If the point of all of this is to better ourselves with the intention of then being better suited to lead others in the practice of yoga (which to me, it totally is) then I need to focus on something that I'm not good at, and strengthen that.

I'm not a particularly grounded person. I'm up in the clouds a lot of the time, and ready to move on at any point in time. Groundedness is something that I could probably use more of in my life, because as much as I maybe am not willing to admit it yet, the nomad way of life is not going to be suited to me forever. And as far as security, well.....I could use more of it. Like, just a little bit even would be fine.

Interestingly, I'm a an earth sign (taurus) so you'd think I'd naturally be better at this but alas....so my goal for this chakra is to spend more time outside. I work inside all day and really don't know Austin well enough to know where good outside hang out spots are. I've been interested in exploring the green belt for a while but I just don't know much about it so I've been avoiding it. It's much easier to get my nature fix when I go back to the hill country to visit my friends and family because there is just so much more of it there. Red also really isn't a color that I incorporate into my life/wardrobe at all. I'm more of an earth tones kind of girl, and red is a little too loud and fiery for me. It's almost an alarming color to me, like the color of an emergency or blood...... So maybe just practicing not feeling negatively toward red would be a good start?

Vishudha is another chakra that I maybe don't feel as comfortable spending time with. I am more than comfortable writing about my thoughts & feelings because I know that not many people will hear/view it and they can choose to read it or not read it and it's not on me as much that I'm inconveniencing anyone by making them hear my opinion (something I also need to work on....that's so communication related). I have no problem speaking when I am confident about something, but the problem is that I am unsure of so much....the things that I'm not confident about come out jumbled and mumbled and not making much sense. Blue, of course, is another color I don't spend a lot of time with, but I have to think of some other way to feel empowered to speak my truth.....practice I suppose is where it's at. Practice!

Assisting I w/ Gioconda @ Castle Hill Fitness

I have to say I am super nervous about assisting classes. I hate feeling like I'm getting in the way or being annoying to people in any way, especially when they're practicing yoga which is as sacred to a lot of people as it is to me. That being said, I don't mind being assisted so I doubt other people do, but I also don't want to be assisted by someone who doesn't seem qualified to touch me....if that makes sense.

Luckily my first assisting went well and I was lucky enough to have a former trainee as my assistee (I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to be calling these people I'm assisting...) so she had good tips and nice things to say and even got me a job teaching at the YMCA! Everything works out the way that it is meant to, and it's nice to have those moments of realization about it.

Anyway, I felt more comfortable assisting her because I knew that she knew what I was up to, and I was learning so she wanted to be helpful. I also was super intimidated because she's a seasoned practitioner, obviously, and I felt like I had no business assisting someone who clearly knew more than I did. I think that's my biggest fear about assisting is that I'm going to do something wrong. I just need to get over it!

Body Types Observation w/ Iva @ BFree Yoga

So the thing I noticed most while observing the way Iva teaches to different body types, is that there are WAY more body types to teach to than just male female skinny fat which is what I was going in to this observation with the intention of learning about. However there is so much more to people's bodies than that! Of course there is men and women, who have different body types, but there's also young and old flexible people, people with good balance, people with a strong upper body/legs/core, people who are more aware of their bodies (like if their shoulders are back and their ribs are soft), bodies that are accustomed to a certain style/teacher, people who are sweaty, people who are there for the exercise vs. the practice of yoga....I could go on if I thought about it more I'm sure.

And it's so telling after watching one simple set of Surya A or B which person fits into which category, and of course most people fit into more than one category, and probably don't even realize which categories they really fit into...or maybe they do!

Another thing that was interesting to me was that men naturally have more upper body strength than women, but it impressive to say the least to see a woman who has been practicing yoga for a a while to have more grace and fluidity in her upper body strength than a man who maybe naturally is still stronger than her, but doesn't know how to harness it, or use it for his entire benefit. I watched Iva assist a man into a handstand which was beneficial for me to see. Assisting men much larger wasn't difficult for her because it's more about support than lifting. If a person can't at least attempt to kick into a handstand on their own, they're not ready to do a handstand, or so it seems. At least for the safety of the instructor....assistant...

That's it for my observations! I've learned so much by watching other people teach/practice, I'm so grateful for the experience. Super nervous to start assisting!

Verbal Cues & Manual Cues Observation w/ Laurie @BFree Yoga

I went in to BFree on Saturday afternoon because I so rarely ever have a Saturday afternoon off, and I thought I might enjoy some yoga. Well, the only class they were having at that time was a Bikram class. I've taken a couple of various Bikram classes and honestly, I just don't enjoy them the same way that I love Vinyasa flow, but I figured what the heck I was already there anyway so I might as well take the class. Yoga is yoga, right?

Well, the reason I'm writing about this class as an observation when I actually took the class is because this is the first yoga class that I have taken, maybe ever, that I left feeling worse than when I got there. Not that I was feeling bad when I got there, but I count on yoga as a way to relax, rejuvenate, etc. and not to leave feeling more stretched out and uncomfortable than before I took the class. So, I felt like it was important to write about.

It's not that I think Laurie is a bad teacher as I'm aware of the massive difference between Bikram and Vinyasa Flow, but I have still taken Bikram classes where I felt like I got a good workout and felt energized and good at the very least after the class. However, that was just not the case with this class.

I guess since I'm considering this my Language observation, I'll focus on that. There were only 3 students in the class, 2 and myself, and the other 2 were a lot more familiar with Bikram style yoga than I am. I feel like she made the class a lot easier because I was in it, and was talking specifically to me while she taught the class which made me nervous and uncomfortable because I don't want to be singled out while I'm in a group class. That's what private lessons are for, and I don't prefer them.

I felt like she talked a lot just in general as well, and I realize again that in Bikram there is a script to be followed, but I think for my sake and because the class at BFree isn't technically considered Bikram, she strayed away from the script. Which is fine, except that I think the other students would have preferred a more Bikram - scripted class and she changed it up just because I was new. I think more than anything she just got discombobulated because the class was different than she was expecting it to be - with a vinyasa practitioner in the class, she was trying to hard to please everyone when, in reality the class was Bikram style and she should have just stuck to what she was there to teach.

Afterwards, I got to talk to her a little more and she is honestly a very nice lady and I'm sure she's a good teacher but the change in what she was expecting the class to be completely threw her off her game and I think that may be one sign of a "good" teacher - being able to go with the flow so to speak, but also sticking to what you know and teaching Bikram by the script if that's what you're there to do.

Sorry that this was more of a rant than an observation...but I still considered it a good learning experience, which is why I had to write about it!

2nd to last observation - complete! yay

Inspiring Theme Topics 2 - Acceptance

I was talking to Laurie after I accidentally observed her Bikram class on Saturday afternoon (more about that in my observation journal entry) and I realized that I've still only been in Austin for a little less than 2 months! It feels like a lot longer, and at the same time, hardly any time at all. Anyway, with this realization came an afternoon of over-thinking my entire existence, which is usually what happens when I get to thinking.

A girl from work hosts parties at her apartment about once or twice a month, and she has always been nice enough to invite me, although I've always been working or had yoga so I haven't been able to attend. However, I finally had a night off so I was considering going. I even have a costume that I was intending to wear on the actual night of Halloween festivities. However, the closer it got to the time for me to leave, the less and less excited I was about going. What is this feeling? It's familiar because it happens to me way too often in new situations. My gut instinct. I wasn't ready...to make new friends?

Honestly, moving and transitioning is like a break-up. At least for me. I need time to heal and adjust from all of the relationships with friends that have so instantly changed since we no longer get to see each other every day. It's not that I haven't gone through this process...many times...before, but I've never been able to put my finger on what it is that was so aversive in me. I just need time. And people may say to me that I'll never make friends if I don't go to parties or whatever it is that most people do to make friends, but those people don't know me very well. And, to my relief, I talked to one of my best friends about it this afternoon, via facebook messaging of course, and she completely understood what I was saying. She's not the same way at all, she's super outgoing which is how we became friends, and eventually roommates, in the first place. But that's why we're such good friends; that is why our friendship has stood the test of time and distance that I eventually force all of my friendships to suffer through.

Anyway, the point of all of this is that I faced the realization I had come to and accepted it. Call me a lame ass for staying home on the Saturday night of Halloween, but I don't care. I feel just a little more fulfilled having accepted this truth about myself, and knowing that friendships will come with time, as they always have and they will always continue to. So: acceptance. An excellent theme for a yoga class, as it can be linked with so many different yamas and niyamas....koshes....etc. The importance of accepting where you are in your practice, and of course coming back to the all important message of being present where you are, accepting it, and letting your practice become whatever it is you need it to be for that day.

Acceptance! Excellent.

Inspiring Theme Topics 1 - Peace

So I had this theme all picked out and ready for our teaching sequence for Sunday, but when it came down to my turn to teach it didn't seem quite as appropriate as when I was daydreaming about it in my head, so I changed my mind on the spot and just went with my gut on a new theme. I was proud of myself for being able to do that, although I'm not sure how it translated to the rest of the "class". I'm excited to start getting more feedback during training because sometimes I feel like I'm doing a good job and sometimes I feel like I really have no idea what I'm doing and I'm interested in what my teaching actually looks like to other people. I feel like I'm finally starting to get used to teaching in front of our class - it took me a long time to get comfortable in that setting for some reason - but I hope that it translates during my teaching sequences! I think I'm definitely a Kafa... or however you spell it.... and I'm excited to learn more about the Aryvedas as well! But I digress....

One theme that I find coming up when I am daydreaming about themes for classes is the topic of peace, probably because it's often a topic of my daily life. This quote in particular is one that inspires me often, and then I literally just wrote down everything that came flowing out of me from there and although I maybe wasn't going to read it word for word, it felt important to have the words on the page in front of me, just in case:

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
So, in our lives, and in our practices, there are always going to be distractions. People at our workplaces who we don't get along with, or people in our classes who are like, sitting little bit lower in their uttkatasana or their backs are a little bit straighter than ours....or in our home practices - just that internal chatter constantly going going going.... But peace, silence, stillness, is sitting a little lower in your own uttkatasana, bending your front knee a little lower in Vira 2, and feeling your quads screaming at your and getting hot with energy...and just being there, being present and being still on the inside, and maybe even smiling a little bit. Peace.

It would have been a good theme, I think! I guess I'll have to save it for another time!

Voice & Language Observation w/ Ashley

On Tuesday, my co-worker Ashley who is also an instructor, was kind enough to let me sit in on a private lesson with a client. It was an outside session, just her and the person she was instructing, so it was a totally different atmosphere than what I am used to and a really awesome experience!

I work with Ashley at a busy cafe downtown, so it was cool to get to see her in a completely different environment, and how there are mannerisms about her that change while she is in "teacher mode" although a lot of things about her that just don't change much at all. I figure that's from her years of experience of teaching (I want to say she's been teach for at least 3-5 years but I honestly don't remember...). I consider her a very genuine person, and that comes out whether she is teaching or taking food orders from customers. She has a very calm and soothing voice, and gives directions without sounding demanding, but like she also sounds like she means business.

She laid her mat beside her client while they were practicing outside. I think what struck me most as far as voice and language was concerned, was how comfortable she was doing what she was doing. She loves her practice and has a lot of experience doing it, but she gave directions and encouragement like she was speaking to a friend, and then she would stop and give a correction or physical adjustment and I was snapped out of conversation mode and would realize once again that I was watching a lesson take place. It may just have been because she was doing a private session; it would be interesting to see if her voice and language and mannerisms changed at all while teaching a larger class. Honestly though, knowing what I do of Ashley, it probably wouldn't change much. She makes people feel comfortable no matter what she is doing, which is an important trait and what makes her a good teacher!

Observation 5 - Complete!

I'm excited to start assisting soon!

Yoga Journaling Assignment IV

Weeks 3 & 4 in the Rodney Yee book focus on Opening into Vulnerability and Allowing Receptivity, which really go hand in hand as far as I'm concerned.

Chapter 3, the Opening into Vulnerability chapter, is about doing backbends, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I'm pretty flexible, especially in my front body and back, but what I'm working on now is having the strength to back it up. My legs have gotten stronger to protect my knees and hips, but if my front body and back don't get stronger I'm afraid of hurting myself when I go too deep into a backbend, or get a little too overzealous trying a backbend or other pose that I can't safely bring myself back out of. Also, the more I think about and read over what I've just read, the more I notice how it closely it echoes the personal struggles I face, and once again finding myself amazed by how every facet of yoga has intertwined itself into my life.

In Chapter 4, Rodney Yee opens with a nice bit about how when we come up against a barrier, it is important to back up enough to observe, breathe and assess (rather than try to confront an obstacle head-on like a battering ram and create a struggle). This is a constant battle for me both in my life and my yoga practice because there is such a fine line between trying too hard and not trying hard enough, between hanging on and letting go, and I feel myself stumbling this line every day of my life, with every decision, big or small, that I am faced with. At least with my twists, I know my limits!

LAST Sequencing Observation w/ Omar @ BFree Yoga

I've still been mostly attending classes at the BFree Yoga studio, which I'm totally ok with because I just love it there for some reason, and each instructor is so different I learn new things every time I am there, whether it is observing or taking classes.

Omar is maybe only the 2nd male teacher I've ever been in a class of, and even that alone sets a very different tone for the class. It's an interesting dynamic, and the psychology major in me is conjuring up all kinds of theories about it.... regardless, I really enjoyed the class!

I've definitely been noticing the sequencing since getting that hand-out and talking about it so much at our last training session. This class wasn't any different... I found myself making notes in my head about variations and where we were in the sequence, and which things we skipped over because we had spent more time elsewhere. He even did the tripod headstand assist that we practiced last training session, so that was exciting!

I feel like I've come over a huge hump since the beginning of training (Antarayas, if you will) where I am beginning to feel more knowledgeable and things are starting to click for me in the ways of my abilities during my own asana practice, but also in my ability to feel confident enough to teach other. Obviously, I have a long ways to go, but I love learning so that's just all the more exciting for me!

Observation 4 - Complete!

Sequencing Observation w/ Lauren @ Austin Yoga Festival

I was so excited to get the chance to go to the Austin Yoga Festival this year. I even got to meet up with my yoga instructor from Fredericksburg, which was so exciting! It was a very cool experience to get to practice beside the teacher who got me so excited about yoga in the first place!

I ended up getting to observe Lauren from Be Yoga at the main stage at 11:30. I've never taken any of her classes before, but Kara and Lindsay were excited to take her class there so I figured it would be great and it was! Her theme for the class was more or less that creative ideas have their own energy fields, and rather than us feeling like we have to invent the pose, she encouraged her students to search for what already exists inside of them. She compared asana practice to a Michaelangelo quote, where he stated that he as a sculptor wasn't making art, but rather uncovering the sculpture that was already hidden inside of the marble slab. It was a really cool theme, and something I kept thinking about the entire time I was observing her class.

I noticed that she didn't use much, or any, sanskrit while teaching her class and I wasn't sure if this was because it was a public Austin Yoga Festival class, or if that was just the way she normally teaches, but I found it interesting. I also found that she is much more the style of Vinyasa that I am not only accustomed to but more comfortable and most excited about. She makes asana a part of the entire yoga experience, rather than making the class entirely about the poses and work that the body is doing. She has a calming voice and a presence about her that drew me to yoga in the first place.

The thing that I found most interesting about observing her class was that as she kept reverting back to the theme, she kept saying things like "Serving the idea of down dog that already exists" or "Serve the pose like it wants to come into creation. Simply remove what is extraneous." While I like the idea of yoga being an ancient practice that we don't need to invent and can, instead, let it come into it's own creation through our bodies, I think it's really easy to get caught up in what yoga already is, and what other people are doing as far as yoga lingo, etc. and lose sight of what we can each individually bring to the practice. Especially as teachers, I think it is not only our privilege but our duty in a way to bring our own unique and personal interpretation to our practice and to our students in order to keep it growing and changing and alive. What an exciting idea!

Observation 3 - complete!