bye bye douggie

douggie came home from college about 2 weeks after i broke up with him on my 18th birthday. i had been talking myself out of it since before christmas, he knew it too, and my first adult birthday and impending high school graduation felt like my last chance before i lost my freedom, my new found power. my lady magic.

we had sex on his bedroom floor. the carpet scratched my knees and when he turned me around to stick it in from behind, i cried as my chin rubbed against the ground.

a few weeks later, the last time we saw each other before i left for college and never turned back, we had sex in his brother's old room in the basement and i cried and he held me and demanded to know what he could do to make me stay. to keep me happy. i never said anything more to him about it. i cried because he was my very last boyfriend, and because i never things would never be the same.

and then i never cried again.