Assisting VIII w/ Stephanie @ YMCA NW and 3rd Chakra Clearing

the title is a little misleading.....i did my third chakra clearing exercise, but i did the second chakra again because i just felt like i wanted to. it felt a lot better this time; i wasn't nearly as closed off to freeing myself of all of this....stuff...that's weighing me down. a quote that's been popping up in my life frequently as of late: "if you want to fly, you've got to get rid of that shit that's weighing you down." amen.

while i was working through the guided meditation, a friend of mine kept coming to mind and all i could think about was how much she maybe needed this, and how much i wanted to share it with her. she's going through a really tough time right now and i don't get to see her as often as i would like. i kind of feel like a bad friend for leaving her behind and moving forward in my life. i don't regret it, but i do feel guilty about it sometimes. so i try to get back to see her whenever i can, and i don't feel like there's been anything i can do personally that has gotten through to her. maybe wendy can do it? anyway, the point is to pay it forward so that's the obvious solution to me.

on a more exciting note, i finished my last class assist yesterday and i am what i can only assume is days away from officially receiving my teaching certificate! i. am. excited. i remember talking to someone after i had finished the initial training portion of the actual training, and them telling me it seems like it went by so quick; like it wasn't really that hard. didn't i think it was going to be more difficult? take more time? i wanted to scream and cry and laugh and dance around the room because i had no idea how to respond to that. it was one of the most challenging experiences of my life thus far, and yeah it only took 4 months and some intensive training but NOT REALLY AT ALL THAT. everything else. it is something, i am beginning to understand, only those who have been through it truly understand. and maybe not even some of them. it was truly an experience that has changed me for the better, as all good experiences are intended to, i believe, and there is no way to adequately explain that in words. i just have to go on teaching and passing it on and around and forward and hopefully that will explain adequately what words cannot.

as far as the actual assisting, i was more comfortable in this class than i have ever been assisting so far. i'm sure that just comes with time, but also because i've now taught this class twice and am gearing up to take over the class for stephanie next week when she moves on to a new job and a new schedule that no longer allows for her to teach the class. she is someone that i will hold dear in my heart foreverrrr for thinking enough of me to recommend me this job, and kick starting my teacher life. i can only hope that the universe has something greater in store for her; she is a truly lovely person.

and also, on a somewhat related note, i hope that i can still assist classes from time to time because i kind of enjoy it! and it teaches me something new every time i step in to someone else's class.

Second Public Class & Assisting VII w/ Gioconda @ Dharma Yoga

i love assisting Gioconda's classes at Dharma because i just love the energy of her classes anyway, i love practicing at them myself, but there's a different kind of learning that occurs when assisting classes. i felt like i learned a lot, and the more people feel comfortable asking me questions the more questions i feel like i have! i wrote down a quote kind of early on in training with sam rice that said something about "be confident in what you know, but open to other possibilities." know that you know what you know, but also know that you don't know everything, in other, more complicated words. i don't have a problem asking a question because if i don't know the answer, i want to know it! i'm so lucky to have such a great community of teachers around me to help each other grow and learn.

i'm happy that the class is feeling comfortable enough with me being there from time to time to ask me questions, but i'm still in a growth period of confidence myself in that i don't feel like i have the right answer always, so i give them the one that i have that comes naturally to me, and that is probably just a fine answer, and then worry about it the entire ride home that i shouldn't have said that to them, that i should have said this other thing instead. maybe that was decrease with time. maybe not......

teaching my second public class was great because gioconda was there to give me some really helpful feedback! i'm so glad she enjoyed the class and thinks that i'm actually cut out to be a teacher! it's a relief. validation that i'm not crazy for wanting to do this makes me feel like i'm making good decisions, and i can continue on my path of learning and learning and growing and yoga and yoga and yoga. what an exciting time ahead!

Teaching my first public class & Assisting VI w/ Stevie @ Yoga Center Fredericksburg

So I finally did it - I taught my first public class! I couldn't sleep the night before, I stressed about it and went over my sequence all weekend and.....it went great. I couldn't have been happier. I was already a little familiar with my class as I've assisted Stephanie's class before, so that helped. But it is the most awesome feeling to be finished with a class, when everyone is kind of working hard and concentrating and focusing and maybe not a lot of smiling so it's hard to tell if they're enjoying themselves....and then at the end people thank you and tell you they liked your sequence or they feel great or whatever it is. awesome. it's awesome. it went really.

last week i went to visit some friends and my family back in fbg, and i finally made it to stevie's class! she's only teaching one class a week right now, and it's on wednesday mornings. i usually just have a hard time making it down there right in the middle of the week like that, but it worked out perfectly! stevie is the first teacher i've ever had who made yoga mean something to me. not every teacher works for everybody, and teachers speak to students differently to bring them to yoga, but stevie's teaching method and flow was definitely my door in and for that i will be forever grateful. she's also become a friend and kind of yoga mentor for me as i, too, have begun the yoga teaching journey. anyway, so i got to assist some in her class as well, which was extra cool because my mom was there! and she hasn't been able to attend any of my classes yet, and the ladies who i started out with wayyyyy back a whole year and a half ago. so it was a cool experience to get to have so close to the end of my training hours!

End of the World 2012

so it's taken me the whole first week of the new year to really set some intentions for myself in the next 365 days. i think starting with the lululemon team to set goals is really what helped me get my gears in motion, so they say (do they say that?). it made clearer what it is i truly desire, and it's time to start putting those things on the top of my list - the list of priorities.

what inspired this post, i suppose is a decision i have to make on this lovely saturday morning. i made a commitment a few weeks back to start doing some volunteer work at a local animal shelter and this morning is the orientation for new volunteers. however, gioconda is also teaching a yoga class at the same time........decisions? the thing is, i feel like the choice to go to the yoga class is the selfish choice here, but it doesn't matter. if yoga is what i want to do, then i have to do it; every opportunity that arises is a chance for me further my pursuits. even if i'm not 100% clear on every bit and piece that goes along with that, or is to potentially follow, what i have to follow is my heart. what i know that i want. priorities. and my priority is yoga.

i used to watch a lot of "documentaries" on mtv about famous musicians and how they got to where they were going and what they really all had in common was one thing: sacrifice. you have to give up some things to make time for what it is you're really committed to doing. i want to volunteer at the animal shelter but i REALLY want to teach yoga. i want yoga to be a part of my every day life. i want to do so much all the time; i can't save the puppies now, but i can help later. what i need to focus on now is the goal ahead of me.

excitingly, there is a program that started up in canada and the pacific northwest called street yoga. it's a movement bringing yoga to inner city teens, and kids in shelters and foster homes like the one that i used to work at! it just seems so perfect and too good to be true.....which may be part of the problem. all of their trainings are held up north, and they have yet to move down south anywhere near texas as of yet. however, i got in contact with the communications manager over there, and not only is she excited to talk to me/work with me more on finding ways to bring street yoga to austin, but she's a UT Longhorn! i feel like the universe is completely on my side on this one, so i feel the courage and motivation to move forward in these endeavors.

look out 2012, your ass is mine.

Second Chakra Guided Meditation

although i feel like i could've used another go around of the first chakra guided meditation, i couldn't convince myself to do it unless i moved on to the second chakra. turns out that was even more challenging than the first. i did this one sitting up this time, and the house was a lot quieter so it was easier for me to focus.

so basically, i noticed a couple of things about the energy clearing in the second chakra - i need it. bad. but as i listened to wendy's voice talk me through breathing out all these negative thoughts and energies surrounding what seems to me at this point in my life, the most important aspects of my being, i got stuck. real stuck. i would hear her say something that i related to and instead of even attempting to let it go, i would get angry. i'd get that stirring feeling deep in my belly like something is terribly wrong. i would think about all of the things in my life she could possibly be referring to and i would completely detach from what i was trying to do.

i read the intro to her book and i remember the part where she mentions that it's going to get harder before it gets easier. it might be uncomfortable or even painful, but that's just part of the process. i feel like this challenge to try out three of the energy clearing guided meditations is excellent in that it's bringing me to face a lot of things that i ignore in my life.

the problem, or i guess i wouldn't call it a problem, but the greatest challenge for me is moving forward from those places of vulnerability. i have to sit with my eyes closed and meditate for like 10 minutes after the recordings just to bring myself back to a place of functioning. it brings out so many emotions that feel like they're just a big bowl of swirling energy, and i have to reign them back in before i can move forward with my day.

so, moral of the story - mixed feelings again about the chakra work. i don't know whether to move on to the third reading, or just keep working on numbers 1 & 2 for now. i guess i'll have to take some time to think about it.

Assisting V w/ Stephanie & Root Chakra Guided Meditation

Assisted Stephanie at the YMCA again last Monday. It's awesome to see how much she loves her students and how much they love her and her class. Can't wait to teach! I'll hopefully be teaching a few of her classes when she's out of town in the coming weeks, but it depends on whether or not my paperwork has gone through the corporate office yet; apparently the holidays are slowing down the processing. Ahhhh.....corporate paperwork. Anywho.....

I'm apprehensive about guided meditations. I've fallen asleep in just about every guided meditation I've done, and I have a veryyyy short attention span. However, as I was reading through Wendy de Rosa's book I realized that I can obviously use some chakra clearing and energy healing so I'm open to give it a go. I started with the Root chakra bc Wendy and I apparently have the same belief that starting from the ground up is a good way to begin and find balance. It's also a place that I very obviously (at least to myself) have blockage so..... I'm not sure what I was expecting. I have a difficult time w meditation and focus so it's a good practice for me, but I think I'm going to try the same one again and see if it makes a difference the second time. I was also lying down during the first one, so maybe I will try sitting the second go around.

Assisting IV w/ Stephanie @ YMCA NW

Finally made it up to the YMCA that i am now a substitute teacher at (!!!!) to assist Stephanie in her all levels yoga class. She's the reason that I got my first yoga job (!!!!!!!) and I owe her big time, I feel like. I don't know how I will ever repay, but the universe does it's doing and everything shall be as it shall be... =)) I'm so grateful for the opportunity to teach here as well because I feel like it is the perfect starting off point for me, and will help me to become a stronger teacher within my own comfort zone before venturing out into anything bigger and badder (it will happen! i'm so excited!) i've been told by many people that teaching at a community center like this is the best experience because if you can teach this population, you can teach anyone.

i arrived right as they were beginning the class (they don't start late around here, classes only last 45 minutes to an hour - no time to waste!) and sat in the back as stephanie led them through a brief opener of reading/reflection/breathing and then i got to do some minor assists on some of the students. she even asked me to come to the front and demo/teach how to do dancer pose - i was so nervous! i think it went ok though, and a few of the students thanked me for the help at the end of the class. at least i didn't hurt anyone! it was such an exciting experience; next time i'll be ready to teach if she asks me to!

after her class i took the advanced level class with erin. as part of my training, the Y gave me a month free of membership so i can take some of the other yoga classes and get a feel for the way everything works there. i felt confident in my practice as i took the class. for me, the fact that even in an advanced class most of the students would probably be considered beginner/intermediate in a studio is heartening for me because it makes me more confident in my teaching abilities. it scares me to teach classes to students who know more than i do! i know it will happen, but easing my way in to the whole experience is the way that i work best, so i'm happy for the opportunity!